Warning: Graphic Content Describing Fat Sex. Woo-hoo!

In May of 1993 I newgrouped alt.sex.fat. Yes, you can blame me. It's my fault. And I'd do it again. Did, as a matter of fact...in June of 1995, when it became apparent that some sites didn't take the first newgroup seriously. :-)

Anyway, time and time again the ultimate FAQ question would arise -- "What positions work best with fat people?". Now, I could be snotty, obnoxious, and otherwise as much as an asshole as I appear to be on the 'Net and tell you to figure it out (imagination is the ultimate sex toy, after all), but that's silly...it's FUN to tell people the cool neat and downright fun things I've learned in the last...oh wow, 14 years!

Written from the perspective as a thing male with fat female partners of varying sizes, it's:

Well, to start there's the missionary position. Yes, I hear the groans already: But some of my favorite sexual experiences happen in this position. True, it was because we were both really into each other (no puns!) and cared about each other deeply, but done correctly there are several variants that breath life into this old chestnut, even if you thought you couldn't do it previously.

For example, I've heard from a lot of fat women with very large or hanging bellies that they thought that they couldn't perform this position. Well, if you place your butt on several cushions (this may require some experimentation. I think I mentioned that I like to experiment previously...you should too. ;-) this will lift you up enough so that your partner can kneel between your legs. If you're at the "right" height (this can vary depending on what angles feel comfortable for the two of you) he can insert his penis into your vagina fairly easily while holding on to you by the hips or whatever folds are accessible...and don't hurt when grasped in ecstasy. :) Note that this will also angle you back so that the woman body leans back. This will allow the stomach to lift up and away from her pussy, eliminating a lot of difficulty in entering.

The only drawback with this position is with women with extremely heavy thighs. For example Teighlor (oooh, I'm such a name dropper! :) actually doesn't have that big a stomach proportionate to the rest of her (extremely sexy!) body, but the size of her thighs makes this position difficult. However, if the man isn't too large himself he can literally work himself between them carefully to achieve penetration.

Quick aside: If the man can't get close enough to her to penetrate her in this situation, try some penis to clit stimulation. I find it to be a very pleasant feeling, and most women that I've tried it with enjoy it as well. Be careful not to be too energetic about that, tho'...you don't want to break a rubber!

Now, there's a variant on the missionary that I *really* like. A lot. And it even can work with women with very large thighs. But before I tell you about it, here's a tip: How many of you think to STRETCH before having sex? Yes, BOTH of you. Do you know how many times that I, or someone I'm with, has had a cramp...sometimes really intense, maybe this wasn't a good idea, why don't we watch lettermen instead kind of cramp? Please try to remember, sex is STRENOUS exercise. You both should be fit, and try to stretch a little first. If you do it right and help each other with it, it can be a form of foreplay. ;-)

Here's why I'm stressing stretching: The modified missionary starts out with him between her legs, and inserting. Then she brings her legs flat, and he swings one leg over one of her so that it's around her waist. She brings that leg toward the other one, and he swings his other leg over so that he's now straddling *her*, her legs closed around his hard penis.

Yes, this is possible. And yes, you can get some pretty good penetration with this. It requires a bit of practice not to pull out while getting it right, but one in place he can pump away with some very nice clitoral stimulation. If you do it just right this seems like it was the position people were MEANT to have sex in, as you both can see each others faces, play with each others nipples, and generally have a great time. If the man is feeling particularly mean he can reach down and put more pressure on her clit, which can produce some interesting results. ;-)

Now, the thing here is that a large woman requires that the man STRETCH his legs to get them around her legs (see why I think stretching is important?). I've managed it on women up to 600 pounds, but I suspect there are times it might not work. Don't get upset about it...I'm sure that some of the other positions will.

Now, oral sex on a fat woman can be a challenge if she's very large. There are several techniques that permit a man easy access to her clit with his tongue (as well as other sensitive areas that produce the most exciting noises from her throat!) while allowing him to breathe easily. First, use lots of pillows (pillows are your friends -- stock a variety sizes of firm, wide pillows and you will never run out of configurations you can try!) like you did in the missionary position, and you'll have less of a problem with large bellies. If she's been doing HER stretching exercises, you'll be able to get her legs spread. If she has difficulty with this, you can also just bend them at the knees and lift them toward her head. Again only the woman with extremely large legs or other difficulties will this not allow you to slowly circle your tongue around her clit, perhaps teasing first by nibbling the inner thigh *lightly* with your lips.

If she has leg problems, or just big thighs, then place the pillow and approach the problem from the other direction...literally. lay to her side with your feet towards her head, and tongue her "upside down". While this position is like a 69, I tend to prefer it without her giving a concerted effort to get me off. Why? Well, for one thing I like to pay attention to what I'm doing, and I want her to relax and ENJOY it. I've only met two women who didn't like oral sex, and neither of those worked out. :)

BTW, if there are some people that simply can't perform a 69 on you, at least not while you're eating them...don't get hung up on it. 69's are incredibly over-rated as anything other than a form of sex play (I have only managed to simultaneously come with someone that way *once*, and let me tell you I was surprised! :).

Now, if you're feeling very adventurous and there's nothing wrong with her knees, then try it with her on top. YMMV big time: Some people, again, either don't feel right when they're on top of me, or the positioning is awkward. Some people, however, fit perfectly like this even if I had trouble eating them when they were underneath...flesh changes position radically when you switch things around like that.

Now, back to insertion -- a great position that virtually guarantees deep penetration is with her laying on one the side. This one has SEVERAL variations -- my personal favorite is this. She lies on her side (yes, the direction she faces can make a difference, so try both...don't ask me why, I really don't know. Some of you may not notice a difference). She lays down, with the lower leg extended straight, and she brings the upper leg toward her chest. He straddles the lower leg, nestles up and penetrates. Now, she can either point that upper leg's knee down and pull it up to her chest as far as it can go (he can help!) or she can lean so her back is twisting toward the ground, and that knee is now in the air (unless she has thighs of steel he'll HAVE to help, though I've known women who can actually point that leg straight into the air with only minor assistance). If you can get this far the advantages of this position become VERY obvious.

Now, for the sake of completeness here's a repost of something I just discussed with Linda, one of my other lovers, in this newsgroup:

> Try the Woman on top but have her sit instead of kneeling. Easier on her knees and spreads her > weight out better over your pelvis area ( a very strong musculer area) and allows for very deep > penetration.

Hey! Who taught you that position, wench? ;-)

It should be noted that it may take practice to perform the initial sitting... If you can at all manage it, squatting first and bringing one leg forward is best, but you can also start from a kneeling position and lean to first one side and bring one leg forward (the one opposite the lean) and then the other. You then have several options:

1. She leans forward and back, rocking up and down on his hard cock
   
2. He thrusts up with his pelvis (there is a LOT more play when she's in this position than you might imagine, boys! :)
   
3. If she's been doing her kegels she can rhythmically grasp the man's penis with her pussy (a *very* subtle feeling...this one's very intense, especially if you both are very connected on levels other than just physical. :)
   

The man can easily play with her nipples and clit in this position, making for a fine show... ;-)

Also note that this position works if she's facing toward your feet as well...and presents a very pretty view, though you can't have as much fun with her erogenous zones in this variant. You also miss out on some WONDERFUL facial expressions (which to me are a MAJOR turn on...:)

(end repost!)

BTW, I can't say enough about feminine superior...but even Teighlor required a great deal of convincing regarding the safety of it when the woman is very large.

Here are several tips on getting very large women to sit in your lap and coo loudly:

The Couch Method: This one has turned up in fat porn films a few times, and yes, I stole it from there: What else are fat porn films good for if you can't liven up your own sex life? :) Seriously, I've tried it, and it works great form women who are too large bellied or have knees that can bend, but don't like being kneeled on. The man sits on a couch (or a VERY sturdy, preferably armless chair!) and she sits down on him, Essentially she keeps "changing her mind", or supports herself by holding the back of the couch, and he "helps" by lifting up into her.

Weight Benchs: This can also be done using any low, flat, narrow STURDY bench. He lays on the bench, she straddles him and the bench. Now, the reason weight benches are popular to use this way is that most of them can be adjusted, whereas she can't. Also, I apologize if I offend people by stressing the word STURDY, but neither of you would enjoy it much if you broke something and injured one or both of you. Remember, when one is having sex you can forget how, er, vigorous you can get. Even skinny people can shred furniture that normally could support both your weights...just think about it. Note: I once managed this on a chaise lounge and, of all things, an ottoman. YMMV.

Southward Bound: This is a normal, she gets on top of you and straddles on her hands and knees position...only she faces your feet. I make mention of this above with the sitting position, but didn't say that this will allow those women you have good knees but a very large stomach that makes this difficult normally to ride his penis while her stomach lies between his legs.

BTW, the above tips can also work for straddling a face instead of a dick. This can require a LOT of practice (particularly for those people with limited ability to hold their breath), but it can be done. I should also note that I have done the above with women 450-600+ pounds, and my pelvis and back are fine, thank you. You may discover that some people have to keep moving inthis position to be comfortable...sometimes, after coming with a woman on top, I realize that she is now resting in a position that is less than comfortable. Just make sure there is plenty of room on the bed (floor? Carpet? :) for her to safely roll to one side quickly if *either* of you gets nervous or uncomfortable.

Finally, there's good old "doggy" style. A dumb name, if you've ever seen dogs have sex -- but I digress...

There have been no women that I have EVER had sex with who haven't been able to do this position, and despite propaganda to the contrary this position can be EXTREMELY pleasurable to a lot of women. That because if you get the angle right you can nail her g-spot, which (from this position) would be toward the front of her vaginal canal. The more flexible men can always reach down and play with her asshole and clit (ask, guys...not all women like assplay!). You can also, like earlier position, straddle her ass and waist (STRETCH!) and have her lie flat if she can't stay on her knees for very long.

(note: since I posted this article "live" I received one response from a woman who claimed to have a butt large enough to preclude rear entry. However, it's possible she was putting us on. :-)

One last comment...you ARE playing safe, aren't you? ;-)